Oh noes...

I am officially lost. I have no idea how to solve this issue, or how to let it out. Thank gawd, I found blogger, again!

Alright. Here is the issue.
My best friend, whom I believe I have mentioned before, has been going through all sorts of traumatic events. It wasn't until about several months ago that I realised that some of the things that she has been telling me weren't exactly true. It was confirmed by a friend that she does stretch the truth quite a bit. So, it is kind of hard to tell if she is telling the truth, or a little white lie...
Lately, shit has hit the fan for her, and her whole world is starting to fall apart. She has told me that her and her stepfather have been at it and it has gotten to the point where her mom has kicked the fucker out {FUCKIN FINALLY!}(excuse my language, but seriously, I dispize the man). I believe that this is true, because I have seen shit go down between their parents. Gawsh, it is awful.
Now, about an hour ago, she has finally told me the reason why she has been carrying a pocket knife to school with her and everywhere else she goes. A man has... attacked her... while she was vacationing with her family. She hasn't told anyone except for two other friends and myself. I hate to be a bitch... but a part of me doesn't believe her. She has told me that her ex did such a thing to her, and now they are back together, and she is saying that he has "completely changed" but whenever I see or hear from him, he still sounds like a prick. She has also told me a great deal of other stories as well, that i cannot admit to believe. I believe with facts and visual things now, ever since I have been walked all over, lied to, and trashed upon.
She has no bruises on her (except for the one on her butt, which is from sledding with one of the other friends). None on her face or neck or anywhere else. Though I hae seen... cuts on the inside of her left wrist. ...She has told me a long time ago that she has been doing this to herself, and she jokes about it during school now, but i have never seen her wrists personally, so it can to me as a shock. I cannot believe a beautiful, lovely, charming girl like her is going through so much trauma in her life to the point where she has to let it out through hurting herself.
I feel terrible for not believing what she told me, but honestly, how can it be possible? There are no defensive wounds on her hands... nothing. Maybe I'm just being a bitch. I don't know.
I tried talking to her (well, texting. And for some reason when i try helping people through texted messages, I fail misserably.) and stuff, but it just ended up with her saying "I can't tell anybody! Nobody understands! It'll ruin my life!" It'll get worse if she doesn't tell anybody, right? She should talk to someone, shouldn't she?I remember one early school day morning, I found her crying in the hallway. I asked her if she wanted to come to guidance with me and we could talk about it. She declined. I know it is difficult going down there, and talking to some stranger about how life is being shitty and stuff, but it helps! Talking to someone can really help!
My friend claims that she doesn't want to tell anybody, but she has already told 3 people about the situation. She said the same thing the last time she had a terrible situation on her hands, and she ended up telling everyone about it, and practically announcing it for the whole world to hear. She has been acting more rambunctious than she usually is, and grasping onto attention. She says that she doesn't like gossiping or drama and such, but I see her do it everyday.
I want to believe that what she is saying is the truth, and that I am just being stupid and ignorant and mean, but... She has been lying to me about all sorts of things that I spent years on believing that they are true. I want to help her, but I feel like i am pushing her away everytime I try. She says that I am her best friend, but she does not really treat me like it. This is starting to become mudddy and mashed, along with mixed together. Sorry. ^^"
I'm trying with all my might to help her, but I'm losing her at the same time. I do not want to lose what i have left of her. I... heh heh. Yeah, corny, cheesey, sleezy, and.. yeah. I am in love with her. I found out when I was a freshman. I made a pact not to tell her until the end of senior year. Why? Well, because... Ah, I forgot the reason at the moment. I would have told her earlier, but turns out she's straight, and probably not even close to interested in me. Plus, I don't want to ruin what is left of our relationship.
I am actually surprised that she did not figure it out by now.
She probably hates me now, for pressuring her to talk to someone... But I am sick and tired of her bottling it up, and then letting it explode so the whole world finds out, giving her even more issues to deal with. I am afraid of losing my best friend... I don;t know what to do anymore. This is like one drama train after another. First my fucking ex and his lies, accompanied by tales of how "ugly" I am and such, my other best friend being a dick by making plans with me then excluding me from the plans and inviting other people, and now.... What is with 2011? Right off the bat it went screwy. Seriously.

Praying to get out of school early tomorrow.
Not looking forward to english. TT_TT

God, please help me down this long road,
'Cause I have no idea where to go.
Just give me a hint and I'll find a way
To make another person happy and survive the day.
I've made plenty of wrong turns,
but they were not mistakes.
They were lessons that I needed to learn,
and choices that I needed to make.
I've been lost a few times, too.
Been stuck at red light or two.
But I will keep going,
Because the world isn't slowing,
And I am not waisting another day.

Wow. I don't know where this cam from. I'm not even that religious. o.o NO OFFENSE, GOD! *hides from lightning bolts* Well, yeah. Sorry for cheezing you out. While i was writing this, i wrote Gods Path Searcher.... GPS..... as one of the lines. I took it out cause it SUCKKKKKKEDDDDD :D Meep. Not to mention it sounded so.... bleh. JUst bleh.

I must go. I still have some work to do and midnight is almost here
Fair winds and following seas.
Semper fi.
Au revoir.
Etc, etc.
Good night to you all, and may you have beautiful dreams! ^^