Honestly, I do not know why the hell I even bother anymore. I am starting to wonder why I even try to stay here with these people, why I attempt to work things out with people who do not seem to care about our friendship anymore, and why I put up with my mother's complaining about my style, my sister being a selfish brat, and my room shrinking in size. I cannot WAIT to leave this place. I am thinking about going to a college in Vermont. I forgot the name, ^^', but it seems like a very good school. It has all sorts of fields and classes that i can try out to see what i am interested in and to see what the hell i want to do for the rest of my life. AND it's OUT OF STATE! BOOYAH!
...But still... I hate losing people. I have already lost so many people in my life. I have already discovered who my true friends are, and now, my true frieds are apparently not my true friends... It is like I am not even there anymore. Seriously, wtf happend in the past month to cause this piece of shit? Did I do something? Say something? Whatever it is, I cannot think of it. I guess I am not as important to them as they said I was, or how they are important to me... Fuck. I feel emo and depressed now. Hell.
Fun fact: Out of the three long-term relationships I've had in the past year (two lasted over 5 months...) I have never had a significant other on St. Valentine's day. I have never recieved a love letter, a box of chocolates, or a bouqet of flowers. I have never recieved a stuffed animal (well, one of the evil ex's got one for me. He just never gave it to me... which I am glad, because I would have probably burned it by now. Hmm. I wonder what the hell he did with that thing...). I have never even been told "I love you"... well, not romantically anyway. There was this one relationship where the girl said she loved me.... never said it to my face, though. Only through text message... never to my face... I have never been called a "Valentine" or a "Sweetheart", or "My Darling" or any of those cheesey ass names... that particially makes me happy though. XDDDD But seriously... what in the world is wrong with me???
I was an outgoing, happy single lady before, but ever since i have heard from my friends about my... this... BAWLESS asshole telling people that I am ugly.... That is all I view myself as. Because of it, I have been getting really depressed lately. I am actually starting to believe him.Funny thing is, he use to tell me all the time how "sexy" and "beautiful" I was.... fucking douche.
I am happy about what happend, though, because I have learned my lesson. Follow your gut, not your heart, do not let ANYONE preasure you to do something that you do not want to do, and DO. NOT. LET. ANYONE. PUSH. YOU. AROUND. Thats a "HELL TO THE NAW!" in my book! After those guidlines,I'll THEN listen to my heart... well, a little. I can't seem to trust my heart with anything these days... AND wait at least a month or two to date again. Do not just hop into another relationship right after you breakup with someone, because its makes you more dependant on people, and makes you feel like you cannot live without being in a relationship. Which is.... depressingly... what i am going through right now... I feel alone. Sad. I am happy to be free and only worry about myself, and yet.... I am sad because I do not have anyone to worry about.
I need to find and meet new people. I really cannot wait to get out of here.
Sorry for only emo notes. Heh, heh, this site is the only place where i can let my emotions run free, yah know??
I promise to try to write a happier note next time! :D
Night!
lalalalala
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