Honestly, I do not know why the hell I even bother anymore. I am starting to wonder why I even try to stay here with these people, why I attempt to work things out with people who do not seem to care about our friendship anymore, and why I put up with my mother's complaining about my style, my sister being a selfish brat, and my room shrinking in size. I cannot WAIT to leave this place. I am thinking about going to a college in Vermont. I forgot the name, ^^', but it seems like a very good school. It has all sorts of fields and classes that i can try out to see what i am interested in and to see what the hell i want to do for the rest of my life. AND it's OUT OF STATE! BOOYAH!
...But still... I hate losing people. I have already lost so many people in my life. I have already discovered who my true friends are, and now, my true frieds are apparently not my true friends... It is like I am not even there anymore. Seriously, wtf happend in the past month to cause this piece of shit? Did I do something? Say something? Whatever it is, I cannot think of it. I guess I am not as important to them as they said I was, or how they are important to me... Fuck. I feel emo and depressed now. Hell.
Fun fact: Out of the three long-term relationships I've had in the past year (two lasted over 5 months...) I have never had a significant other on St. Valentine's day. I have never recieved a love letter, a box of chocolates, or a bouqet of flowers. I have never recieved a stuffed animal (well, one of the evil ex's got one for me. He just never gave it to me... which I am glad, because I would have probably burned it by now. Hmm. I wonder what the hell he did with that thing...). I have never even been told "I love you"... well, not romantically anyway. There was this one relationship where the girl said she loved me.... never said it to my face, though. Only through text message... never to my face... I have never been called a "Valentine" or a "Sweetheart", or "My Darling" or any of those cheesey ass names... that particially makes me happy though. XDDDD But seriously... what in the world is wrong with me???
I was an outgoing, happy single lady before, but ever since i have heard from my friends about my... this... BAWLESS asshole telling people that I am ugly.... That is all I view myself as. Because of it, I have been getting really depressed lately. I am actually starting to believe him.Funny thing is, he use to tell me all the time how "sexy" and "beautiful" I was.... fucking douche.
I am happy about what happend, though, because I have learned my lesson. Follow your gut, not your heart, do not let ANYONE preasure you to do something that you do not want to do, and DO. NOT. LET. ANYONE. PUSH. YOU. AROUND. Thats a "HELL TO THE NAW!" in my book! After those guidlines,I'll THEN listen to my heart... well, a little. I can't seem to trust my heart with anything these days... AND wait at least a month or two to date again. Do not just hop into another relationship right after you breakup with someone, because its makes you more dependant on people, and makes you feel like you cannot live without being in a relationship. Which is.... depressingly... what i am going through right now... I feel alone. Sad. I am happy to be free and only worry about myself, and yet.... I am sad because I do not have anyone to worry about.
I need to find and meet new people. I really cannot wait to get out of here.
Sorry for only emo notes. Heh, heh, this site is the only place where i can let my emotions run free, yah know??
I promise to try to write a happier note next time! :D
Night!
lalalalala
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Monday, February 7, 2011
I feel... Inspired.
I don't know what has come over me. Maybe it is the change of the planet cycle, the change of the seasons, or maybe it is the fact that my birthday is next month (YAY). All I know is that my outlook on life is fluctuating and it has finally rested on ACTIVE.
I have rearranged my room to the point where everything has a new home. I have this mini-room that is kind of like an entry way into my bathroom that i call my "dressing room". It consists of my closet, sink, and desk. This room is basically the only place where I can freely express myself now. My actual room was re-done with furniture and was painted two years ago, and my mom and dad said that I cannot do anything to it. I cannot put posters on my walls (which is understandable. I don't mind that. I like my new walls anyway. The old ones had holes {one in the shape of a teddy-bear sticker i tried to peel off ^^'}), put all my stuff animals in my room (which SUCKS because I love my babies :'(), etc. I personalized it as best as i could, but it did not feel like 'me'. It felt more like the 'feminie' and 'profesional' me. Where is my 'teenage' me? My inner tomboy??
So along with re-arranging the things in my room, i fixed my dressing room~! :D I put up all of my Naruto/Naruto Shippidun posters, along with puzzles i put together, pictures, and drawings that my friends made for me. I could not fit all of the stuff that i wanted to hang up in it, since the room is so tiny, but i feel like i have my own little space... sort of.
I still feel like i am trapped though, yah know? I feel like i cannot express my creativity enough, or be myself in this house. I try, i really do, but my mom throws curses at me like she is pegging snowballs at my face. It hurts. She keeps trying to make me weear makeup, be more 'feminine', and all that jazz. When i fight back, she makes me feel like a spec of dirt on a rug that she needs to get out. She won't let me dye my hair, or where the clothes that i want to wear. I have many different styles, and there is only on that she likes: Classy. I like it, but it gets boring after a while. I need more spice. More... individuality! More... me.
Right now, I am actually using my iPod stero. XD I barely use it because my mom doesn't like most of the music i listen to and i am afraid that she'll freak out at me. O.O The song that i keep playing right now won't bother her, though. It's 'River Flows In You' by Yiruma. Beautiful song~! I love it! My song choices are so bi-polar, I swear. XD I Go from Rock, metal, and hardcore stuff to this... piano music. XDDDD Ah.
I really need to change it though, cause i think i have listened to it, like, 50 times now. But it's so peaceful!!! .... Maybe one more round.
I lit a white candle before, and i accidentaly blew it out. TT-TT Funny thing is, i am afraid of fire, and fire alarms. ^^' So i am afraid that this candle would set it off. Plus, i'd rather light one of my incense, but, sadly, they create too much smoke. :'( Goddammit. Fuck it. I'm re-lighting this candle.
HAHA! I DID IT! But the light is faint... awww :'(
Anyway, back to what i was talking about before.
I feel trapped. I'm changing back into this active, creative, outgoing me, but i feel too trapped to expand more. I need my own space. A home away from home. A sanctuary.
My friends sister has two bedrooms. One is in her basement. She does all of her school work and job stuff in what use to be her real room, and she hangs/chills in her bedroom in the basement. She said it has done wonders for her, and helped her out a lot with seperating work from her relaxing time. I would do that, but we have an unfinished basement. -_-' I really need a new place, though, because i am starting to feel trapped in my own room! ITS SUFFOCATING!
Dammit, my candle went out. Fungool.
I feel more spiritually indepth. More calm about things, and more accepting. I am moving around more, and trying to give myself odjobs around my room. I'm reading again. I am trying to make bracelets, but they are such a fucking pain. >.< Thinking about going back to knitting, along with taking a class in something after school, like pottery or painting... CERAMICS! 8D I'm practicing my flute more, and getting more into music and writing. This feeling of creating and doing something is awesome, considering that i aparently suck at school. ^^' I think it was because i was dating a prick, and he screwed up my life scedule...
ITS OFFICIAL, I WILL NOT DATE FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
I felt a lot better since we broke up, even though my selfesteme over my appearance kind of caved in and just died (mom is not helping, either).
Okay, I'm gonna go shower now. I would type more, but it is getting late and i have so much more to do! *spins* Fair winds and following seas! Thank you, moon, stars, planets, god, for making my life seem somewhat better than it did. <3
Good night.
I have rearranged my room to the point where everything has a new home. I have this mini-room that is kind of like an entry way into my bathroom that i call my "dressing room". It consists of my closet, sink, and desk. This room is basically the only place where I can freely express myself now. My actual room was re-done with furniture and was painted two years ago, and my mom and dad said that I cannot do anything to it. I cannot put posters on my walls (which is understandable. I don't mind that. I like my new walls anyway. The old ones had holes {one in the shape of a teddy-bear sticker i tried to peel off ^^'}), put all my stuff animals in my room (which SUCKS because I love my babies :'(), etc. I personalized it as best as i could, but it did not feel like 'me'. It felt more like the 'feminie' and 'profesional' me. Where is my 'teenage' me? My inner tomboy??
So along with re-arranging the things in my room, i fixed my dressing room~! :D I put up all of my Naruto/Naruto Shippidun posters, along with puzzles i put together, pictures, and drawings that my friends made for me. I could not fit all of the stuff that i wanted to hang up in it, since the room is so tiny, but i feel like i have my own little space... sort of.
I still feel like i am trapped though, yah know? I feel like i cannot express my creativity enough, or be myself in this house. I try, i really do, but my mom throws curses at me like she is pegging snowballs at my face. It hurts. She keeps trying to make me weear makeup, be more 'feminine', and all that jazz. When i fight back, she makes me feel like a spec of dirt on a rug that she needs to get out. She won't let me dye my hair, or where the clothes that i want to wear. I have many different styles, and there is only on that she likes: Classy. I like it, but it gets boring after a while. I need more spice. More... individuality! More... me.
Right now, I am actually using my iPod stero. XD I barely use it because my mom doesn't like most of the music i listen to and i am afraid that she'll freak out at me. O.O The song that i keep playing right now won't bother her, though. It's 'River Flows In You' by Yiruma. Beautiful song~! I love it! My song choices are so bi-polar, I swear. XD I Go from Rock, metal, and hardcore stuff to this... piano music. XDDDD Ah.
I really need to change it though, cause i think i have listened to it, like, 50 times now. But it's so peaceful!!! .... Maybe one more round.
I lit a white candle before, and i accidentaly blew it out. TT-TT Funny thing is, i am afraid of fire, and fire alarms. ^^' So i am afraid that this candle would set it off. Plus, i'd rather light one of my incense, but, sadly, they create too much smoke. :'( Goddammit. Fuck it. I'm re-lighting this candle.
HAHA! I DID IT! But the light is faint... awww :'(
Anyway, back to what i was talking about before.
I feel trapped. I'm changing back into this active, creative, outgoing me, but i feel too trapped to expand more. I need my own space. A home away from home. A sanctuary.
My friends sister has two bedrooms. One is in her basement. She does all of her school work and job stuff in what use to be her real room, and she hangs/chills in her bedroom in the basement. She said it has done wonders for her, and helped her out a lot with seperating work from her relaxing time. I would do that, but we have an unfinished basement. -_-' I really need a new place, though, because i am starting to feel trapped in my own room! ITS SUFFOCATING!
Dammit, my candle went out. Fungool.
I feel more spiritually indepth. More calm about things, and more accepting. I am moving around more, and trying to give myself odjobs around my room. I'm reading again. I am trying to make bracelets, but they are such a fucking pain. >.< Thinking about going back to knitting, along with taking a class in something after school, like pottery or painting... CERAMICS! 8D I'm practicing my flute more, and getting more into music and writing. This feeling of creating and doing something is awesome, considering that i aparently suck at school. ^^' I think it was because i was dating a prick, and he screwed up my life scedule...
ITS OFFICIAL, I WILL NOT DATE FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
I felt a lot better since we broke up, even though my selfesteme over my appearance kind of caved in and just died (mom is not helping, either).
Okay, I'm gonna go shower now. I would type more, but it is getting late and i have so much more to do! *spins* Fair winds and following seas! Thank you, moon, stars, planets, god, for making my life seem somewhat better than it did. <3
Good night.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Oh noes...
I am officially lost. I have no idea how to solve this issue, or how to let it out. Thank gawd, I found blogger, again!
Alright. Here is the issue.
My best friend, whom I believe I have mentioned before, has been going through all sorts of traumatic events. It wasn't until about several months ago that I realised that some of the things that she has been telling me weren't exactly true. It was confirmed by a friend that she does stretch the truth quite a bit. So, it is kind of hard to tell if she is telling the truth, or a little white lie...
Lately, shit has hit the fan for her, and her whole world is starting to fall apart. She has told me that her and her stepfather have been at it and it has gotten to the point where her mom has kicked the fucker out {FUCKIN FINALLY!}(excuse my language, but seriously, I dispize the man). I believe that this is true, because I have seen shit go down between their parents. Gawsh, it is awful.
Now, about an hour ago, she has finally told me the reason why she has been carrying a pocket knife to school with her and everywhere else she goes. A man has... attacked her... while she was vacationing with her family. She hasn't told anyone except for two other friends and myself. I hate to be a bitch... but a part of me doesn't believe her. She has told me that her ex did such a thing to her, and now they are back together, and she is saying that he has "completely changed" but whenever I see or hear from him, he still sounds like a prick. She has also told me a great deal of other stories as well, that i cannot admit to believe. I believe with facts and visual things now, ever since I have been walked all over, lied to, and trashed upon.
She has no bruises on her (except for the one on her butt, which is from sledding with one of the other friends). None on her face or neck or anywhere else. Though I hae seen... cuts on the inside of her left wrist. ...She has told me a long time ago that she has been doing this to herself, and she jokes about it during school now, but i have never seen her wrists personally, so it can to me as a shock. I cannot believe a beautiful, lovely, charming girl like her is going through so much trauma in her life to the point where she has to let it out through hurting herself.
I feel terrible for not believing what she told me, but honestly, how can it be possible? There are no defensive wounds on her hands... nothing. Maybe I'm just being a bitch. I don't know.
I tried talking to her (well, texting. And for some reason when i try helping people through texted messages, I fail misserably.) and stuff, but it just ended up with her saying "I can't tell anybody! Nobody understands! It'll ruin my life!" It'll get worse if she doesn't tell anybody, right? She should talk to someone, shouldn't she?I remember one early school day morning, I found her crying in the hallway. I asked her if she wanted to come to guidance with me and we could talk about it. She declined. I know it is difficult going down there, and talking to some stranger about how life is being shitty and stuff, but it helps! Talking to someone can really help!
My friend claims that she doesn't want to tell anybody, but she has already told 3 people about the situation. She said the same thing the last time she had a terrible situation on her hands, and she ended up telling everyone about it, and practically announcing it for the whole world to hear. She has been acting more rambunctious than she usually is, and grasping onto attention. She says that she doesn't like gossiping or drama and such, but I see her do it everyday.
I want to believe that what she is saying is the truth, and that I am just being stupid and ignorant and mean, but... She has been lying to me about all sorts of things that I spent years on believing that they are true. I want to help her, but I feel like i am pushing her away everytime I try. She says that I am her best friend, but she does not really treat me like it. This is starting to become mudddy and mashed, along with mixed together. Sorry. ^^"
I'm trying with all my might to help her, but I'm losing her at the same time. I do not want to lose what i have left of her. I... heh heh. Yeah, corny, cheesey, sleezy, and.. yeah. I am in love with her. I found out when I was a freshman. I made a pact not to tell her until the end of senior year. Why? Well, because... Ah, I forgot the reason at the moment. I would have told her earlier, but turns out she's straight, and probably not even close to interested in me. Plus, I don't want to ruin what is left of our relationship.
I am actually surprised that she did not figure it out by now.
She probably hates me now, for pressuring her to talk to someone... But I am sick and tired of her bottling it up, and then letting it explode so the whole world finds out, giving her even more issues to deal with. I am afraid of losing my best friend... I don;t know what to do anymore. This is like one drama train after another. First my fucking ex and his lies, accompanied by tales of how "ugly" I am and such, my other best friend being a dick by making plans with me then excluding me from the plans and inviting other people, and now.... What is with 2011? Right off the bat it went screwy. Seriously.
Praying to get out of school early tomorrow.
Not looking forward to english. TT_TT
God, please help me down this long road,
'Cause I have no idea where to go.
Just give me a hint and I'll find a way
To make another person happy and survive the day.
I've made plenty of wrong turns,
but they were not mistakes.
They were lessons that I needed to learn,
and choices that I needed to make.
I've been lost a few times, too.
Been stuck at red light or two.
But I will keep going,
Because the world isn't slowing,
And I am not waisting another day.
Wow. I don't know where this cam from. I'm not even that religious. o.o NO OFFENSE, GOD! *hides from lightning bolts* Well, yeah. Sorry for cheezing you out. While i was writing this, i wrote Gods Path Searcher.... GPS..... as one of the lines. I took it out cause it SUCKKKKKKEDDDDD :D Meep. Not to mention it sounded so.... bleh. JUst bleh.
I must go. I still have some work to do and midnight is almost here
Fair winds and following seas.
Semper fi.
Au revoir.
Etc, etc.
Good night to you all, and may you have beautiful dreams! ^^
Alright. Here is the issue.
My best friend, whom I believe I have mentioned before, has been going through all sorts of traumatic events. It wasn't until about several months ago that I realised that some of the things that she has been telling me weren't exactly true. It was confirmed by a friend that she does stretch the truth quite a bit. So, it is kind of hard to tell if she is telling the truth, or a little white lie...
Lately, shit has hit the fan for her, and her whole world is starting to fall apart. She has told me that her and her stepfather have been at it and it has gotten to the point where her mom has kicked the fucker out {FUCKIN FINALLY!}(excuse my language, but seriously, I dispize the man). I believe that this is true, because I have seen shit go down between their parents. Gawsh, it is awful.
Now, about an hour ago, she has finally told me the reason why she has been carrying a pocket knife to school with her and everywhere else she goes. A man has... attacked her... while she was vacationing with her family. She hasn't told anyone except for two other friends and myself. I hate to be a bitch... but a part of me doesn't believe her. She has told me that her ex did such a thing to her, and now they are back together, and she is saying that he has "completely changed" but whenever I see or hear from him, he still sounds like a prick. She has also told me a great deal of other stories as well, that i cannot admit to believe. I believe with facts and visual things now, ever since I have been walked all over, lied to, and trashed upon.
She has no bruises on her (except for the one on her butt, which is from sledding with one of the other friends). None on her face or neck or anywhere else. Though I hae seen... cuts on the inside of her left wrist. ...She has told me a long time ago that she has been doing this to herself, and she jokes about it during school now, but i have never seen her wrists personally, so it can to me as a shock. I cannot believe a beautiful, lovely, charming girl like her is going through so much trauma in her life to the point where she has to let it out through hurting herself.
I feel terrible for not believing what she told me, but honestly, how can it be possible? There are no defensive wounds on her hands... nothing. Maybe I'm just being a bitch. I don't know.
I tried talking to her (well, texting. And for some reason when i try helping people through texted messages, I fail misserably.) and stuff, but it just ended up with her saying "I can't tell anybody! Nobody understands! It'll ruin my life!" It'll get worse if she doesn't tell anybody, right? She should talk to someone, shouldn't she?I remember one early school day morning, I found her crying in the hallway. I asked her if she wanted to come to guidance with me and we could talk about it. She declined. I know it is difficult going down there, and talking to some stranger about how life is being shitty and stuff, but it helps! Talking to someone can really help!
My friend claims that she doesn't want to tell anybody, but she has already told 3 people about the situation. She said the same thing the last time she had a terrible situation on her hands, and she ended up telling everyone about it, and practically announcing it for the whole world to hear. She has been acting more rambunctious than she usually is, and grasping onto attention. She says that she doesn't like gossiping or drama and such, but I see her do it everyday.
I want to believe that what she is saying is the truth, and that I am just being stupid and ignorant and mean, but... She has been lying to me about all sorts of things that I spent years on believing that they are true. I want to help her, but I feel like i am pushing her away everytime I try. She says that I am her best friend, but she does not really treat me like it. This is starting to become mudddy and mashed, along with mixed together. Sorry. ^^"
I'm trying with all my might to help her, but I'm losing her at the same time. I do not want to lose what i have left of her. I... heh heh. Yeah, corny, cheesey, sleezy, and.. yeah. I am in love with her. I found out when I was a freshman. I made a pact not to tell her until the end of senior year. Why? Well, because... Ah, I forgot the reason at the moment. I would have told her earlier, but turns out she's straight, and probably not even close to interested in me. Plus, I don't want to ruin what is left of our relationship.
I am actually surprised that she did not figure it out by now.
She probably hates me now, for pressuring her to talk to someone... But I am sick and tired of her bottling it up, and then letting it explode so the whole world finds out, giving her even more issues to deal with. I am afraid of losing my best friend... I don;t know what to do anymore. This is like one drama train after another. First my fucking ex and his lies, accompanied by tales of how "ugly" I am and such, my other best friend being a dick by making plans with me then excluding me from the plans and inviting other people, and now.... What is with 2011? Right off the bat it went screwy. Seriously.
Praying to get out of school early tomorrow.
Not looking forward to english. TT_TT
God, please help me down this long road,
'Cause I have no idea where to go.
Just give me a hint and I'll find a way
To make another person happy and survive the day.
I've made plenty of wrong turns,
but they were not mistakes.
They were lessons that I needed to learn,
and choices that I needed to make.
I've been lost a few times, too.
Been stuck at red light or two.
But I will keep going,
Because the world isn't slowing,
And I am not waisting another day.
Wow. I don't know where this cam from. I'm not even that religious. o.o NO OFFENSE, GOD! *hides from lightning bolts* Well, yeah. Sorry for cheezing you out. While i was writing this, i wrote Gods Path Searcher.... GPS..... as one of the lines. I took it out cause it SUCKKKKKKEDDDDD :D Meep. Not to mention it sounded so.... bleh. JUst bleh.
I must go. I still have some work to do and midnight is almost here
Fair winds and following seas.
Semper fi.
Au revoir.
Etc, etc.
Good night to you all, and may you have beautiful dreams! ^^
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Blast from the past??
Hey! It's been awhile! Almost two years, I think! Maybe more?
I kinda was logged out of my google account and the damn thing wouldn't log me back in or give me back my password until now. -_-' Damn interntet.
Yeah, so I am on here via iTouch, so if my words are somehow funky and.. Yeah... I blame touch screens. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I skimmed through some of my old posts, and buh-jeez. O.O I would expand on that comment, but it just hit me that it is practically o e am over here and I have school. >.< nooooooo!
Well, I will probably type more later, so I brb! :3
Sorry for being gone ubber long! ^^'
Nighty night!
I kinda was logged out of my google account and the damn thing wouldn't log me back in or give me back my password until now. -_-' Damn interntet.
Yeah, so I am on here via iTouch, so if my words are somehow funky and.. Yeah... I blame touch screens. Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
I skimmed through some of my old posts, and buh-jeez. O.O I would expand on that comment, but it just hit me that it is practically o e am over here and I have school. >.< nooooooo!
Well, I will probably type more later, so I brb! :3
Sorry for being gone ubber long! ^^'
Nighty night!
Friday, May 29, 2009
*Nervous laugh*
Well, so much for going to bed early ^^' I finally found a site that made playlists and has good music. Sadly, they did not have that my Japanese music *emo corner* ohhh well! At least they have some! SOME is better than NONE! ^^
Okayyysss, seriously, I feel like a totally dipshit. Even so, I must come out and say it. Okay..... Blogger has officailly confused me. My very first one I did not have friends on it because I set it on private and used it basically like a diary. Later on I forgot my password and just stoped going on. When I got my second one, on the third day it logged me out and would not let me sign back in, thus is how I got here! *jumps up and down squeling* But sadly, I do not know how to do the most common of things. For example: watching or 'following' people. How do you do that? Plus, why do they call it 'followers' anyway? It sounds so...... stalkerish! I do not want to freak out somebody saying 'Hey, can i follow you?', they might think I am some sycopathic rapist of some sort! *flails arms* And commenting. On here, its not as simple as facebook, gaia, or myspace. How do you comment on here? I really feel like a complete and utter idiot, but I need to know.
I addeded pictures and a poll along with my music playlist thingy. I feel like theres something missing in my lovely new home. Any idea's????
Oh, and I am still working on the lists, might take a while do to my ADD and endless mountain of homework.
Holy crap, its 2 in the morning! *sarcastic dramatic cry* Yeah, looks like I can not go to that GS thing tomarrow XDDDD Oh yeah, did i mention I'm a girl scout? XDDDD Okay, you can stop staring at the computer screen in utter shock. And get that 'Omg, is she on drugs???' though out of your head. Im telling the truth. I know, a swearing badass girlscout *rollsonfloorlaughing* I am actually thinking of quiting to be honest. The girls in my troup are pushing me away and I am actually completely and utterly fine with it. They did not think of me as a friend anyway. I was just there.....
SO yeah, lil' blurb, now i gtg
TTFN
BLAC
Okayyysss, seriously, I feel like a totally dipshit. Even so, I must come out and say it. Okay..... Blogger has officailly confused me. My very first one I did not have friends on it because I set it on private and used it basically like a diary. Later on I forgot my password and just stoped going on. When I got my second one, on the third day it logged me out and would not let me sign back in, thus is how I got here! *jumps up and down squeling* But sadly, I do not know how to do the most common of things. For example: watching or 'following' people. How do you do that? Plus, why do they call it 'followers' anyway? It sounds so...... stalkerish! I do not want to freak out somebody saying 'Hey, can i follow you?', they might think I am some sycopathic rapist of some sort! *flails arms* And commenting. On here, its not as simple as facebook, gaia, or myspace. How do you comment on here? I really feel like a complete and utter idiot, but I need to know.
I addeded pictures and a poll along with my music playlist thingy. I feel like theres something missing in my lovely new home. Any idea's????
Oh, and I am still working on the lists, might take a while do to my ADD and endless mountain of homework.
Holy crap, its 2 in the morning! *sarcastic dramatic cry* Yeah, looks like I can not go to that GS thing tomarrow XDDDD Oh yeah, did i mention I'm a girl scout? XDDDD Okay, you can stop staring at the computer screen in utter shock. And get that 'Omg, is she on drugs???' though out of your head. Im telling the truth. I know, a swearing badass girlscout *rollsonfloorlaughing* I am actually thinking of quiting to be honest. The girls in my troup are pushing me away and I am actually completely and utterly fine with it. They did not think of me as a friend anyway. I was just there.....
SO yeah, lil' blurb, now i gtg
TTFN
BLAC
Yay, Here Comes the Reality Flash
Glarg, I have so much work to do, and its hitting me like a fighter jet going 200 mph (I dont care if its realistic or not, I'm just expressing how much shit I am in) But I will try my hardest to work all weekend...... *crickets*....... Yeah, NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!! *splurts confetti*
Today was a very interesting day, and thats saying something. You see, this is coming from a gurl who goes to a school with the strangest of people. Seriously, you hear Senior's singing on the top of their lungs while walking outside the classroom. Not to mention we get to hug our teachers! Hey, I may sound like a complete and utter teachers pet to you guys, but hell, teachers at the school I go to are awesome. My math teacher, I swear, he's AMAZING! He swears, but rarely, and is like, one of the most hyper-active teachers I have! (trust me, there are a few here) Plus he talks about the outside world and lets us talk about what we did over the weekend at the begining of class. He says he's our (me and my fellow classmates) 'math waitor'. When he serves us our equations and it tastes a little funny (we dont understand what the hell he is saying) he takes it back and gives us the same meal only made differently (he gives us a complete different perspective of the equation and gets more in depth). He is the reason I love math completely now and the reason why I am actually at the top of my class ^^!! Plus, he likes to put us in the examples of the equations every once in a while.... *laughs at fond memories* I will tell more another day, but right now I am rambleing and going completely off topic.
So yeah, I have to say I like my school even though it gives me so much shit to work with. But thankfully the teachers actually help you and look at things differently. My gawsh, back in middle school, if I asked a teacher a question, they're like : 'WTFH? Are you a complete and utter dipshit?!' When in the High School the teachers dont heisitate to help and are really happy if people ask questions. Plus, my teachers know I'm completely A.D.D. and not good at remembering shit to save my ass and know that I like to figure stuff out on my own, so if they see that I'm stuck, they give me a little push or a hint and it helps me get my brain into play.
I'm officially going to Anime Boston next year. My friends and I are possibley going for all three days, and we're already planning it out right now!! I know, ubber early, but you cannot be to careful!!! If anybody is going next year or went this year, tell meeeeeee!!!! *flails arms*
OH! I forgot to tell you about yesterday! OH MEH GAWSH so funny~! I suck at explaining things, but I am going to try as best as i can!!! I'll do it in story form so it will be easier! ^^
+ I flipped through my reading book looking for my lost page. I was not paying attention to the sudden gasps and the comments such as "what the hell is going on over there?". Rustleing of feet made to the windows and I finally gave up at reading my book. I looked up to see about 2/3 of the class, includeing the teacher, staring out the windows with amused looks on their faces. My friend, who was sitting behind me, looked up from the Vampire Knight manga she borrowed from me and gave everyone a weird look while giving a bookmark the task of holding her place in the book. We both got up from our desks and walked over to the window to see what the hell was going on. In the parking lot at the front of the school, there was what looks to be a model of a red car without tires. It had a pole sticking through it and was held up by some-thing that holds a boat and you can hook it up to your car and drive it around (I cannot remember to term for it). Inside to model was a family of dummies buckled up and ready for anything, and I mean ANYTHING. Juniors and Seniors were surrounding the model with some guys in black clothing lecturing them. Then, it all added up in my head. Tonight was prom, Juniors and Seniors called out of class for a 'assembly'. Yeah, it was plain obvious that they were being tolled the consiquences about drinking and driving. Why the weird car model thing thats able to rotate in mid air? We'll get to that in a moment. I hugged my friend from behind as I watched the lecturerer with up-most curriousity. My friend did not mind since we hug, like, 24/7, and watched him along with me. There were mummurs among my fellow classmates wondering what the people were about to do. The man giving the lecture, along with one of his pals, finished setting up and pressed some button, causing the car to spin around. We all jokinly oooohed and ahhhhed. Wow, a rotating car. Whoop-dee-friggin-doo. After the man gave his long and boring speech, he stoped the model and he, along with a few of his buddies, proceded to open the car and un buckle the dummies seat-belts.
"God, they never seem to quit," My friend said. What she meant was basically the fact that adults love to just engrave the fact that you have to always buckle your seatbelts no matter what. We got it the first 4 or 5 times! There is no need to go to 400!! Not to mention, if adults keep on saying this, we kids being rebellious as we are will do the exact opposite just to piss them off.
I nodded agrivated and a few of my other friends made agree able comments to my friends statement. Our heads shot back to the show and we watched as the guys slammed the car doors and pressed the on button. As soom as the car started rotateing, one of the dummies decided to go ass-firt out the window, its legs flailing like crazy. Of course, we all laughed, but one of the students said that 'there was nothing funny about a situation like that".
"Yeah, I agree," I stated, turning towards the protester. "It is a very serious matter, but they're just dummies! And since they are, I find this hilarious!" A few students agreed and high-fived me and we continued to watch the poor dummie slip out of the window. In the end, the poor passenger flopped to the ground, along with a baby dummie that just shot out of the window and landed between two tires of the thing that was holding the model.
"Bye Bye baby!!" One of my guyfriends hollered, and we all laughed along. Yeah, we must sound really murderious right now, huh? Well, we wouldn't be acting like this if they were real. Well, at least not me....
We watched as the driver dummie slipped out of its window head first and he got out to the point were every rotation it slammed its head on the ground, thus making us laugh even harder, and our teacher was chuckling along with us as well. Wow, immaturity rocks. The boys finally stopped the rotating car and we all clapped and cheered for their proformance. The teacher then finally told us to sit back down and continue our studing+
Crappy ending I know, but I cannot think of an ending right now. I sort of feel bad for laughing, I mean its a serious subject, but it was seriously funny as hell. I could have sworn I saw a few Seniors trying to hold back giggles!!
Well, I think I should get going now, I need my rest so I can get all my worries out of the way tomarrow! *waves*
TTFN
BLAC
Today was a very interesting day, and thats saying something. You see, this is coming from a gurl who goes to a school with the strangest of people. Seriously, you hear Senior's singing on the top of their lungs while walking outside the classroom. Not to mention we get to hug our teachers! Hey, I may sound like a complete and utter teachers pet to you guys, but hell, teachers at the school I go to are awesome. My math teacher, I swear, he's AMAZING! He swears, but rarely, and is like, one of the most hyper-active teachers I have! (trust me, there are a few here) Plus he talks about the outside world and lets us talk about what we did over the weekend at the begining of class. He says he's our (me and my fellow classmates) 'math waitor'. When he serves us our equations and it tastes a little funny (we dont understand what the hell he is saying) he takes it back and gives us the same meal only made differently (he gives us a complete different perspective of the equation and gets more in depth). He is the reason I love math completely now and the reason why I am actually at the top of my class ^^!! Plus, he likes to put us in the examples of the equations every once in a while.... *laughs at fond memories* I will tell more another day, but right now I am rambleing and going completely off topic.
So yeah, I have to say I like my school even though it gives me so much shit to work with. But thankfully the teachers actually help you and look at things differently. My gawsh, back in middle school, if I asked a teacher a question, they're like : 'WTFH? Are you a complete and utter dipshit?!' When in the High School the teachers dont heisitate to help and are really happy if people ask questions. Plus, my teachers know I'm completely A.D.D. and not good at remembering shit to save my ass and know that I like to figure stuff out on my own, so if they see that I'm stuck, they give me a little push or a hint and it helps me get my brain into play.
I'm officially going to Anime Boston next year. My friends and I are possibley going for all three days, and we're already planning it out right now!! I know, ubber early, but you cannot be to careful!!! If anybody is going next year or went this year, tell meeeeeee!!!! *flails arms*
OH! I forgot to tell you about yesterday! OH MEH GAWSH so funny~! I suck at explaining things, but I am going to try as best as i can!!! I'll do it in story form so it will be easier! ^^
+ I flipped through my reading book looking for my lost page. I was not paying attention to the sudden gasps and the comments such as "what the hell is going on over there?". Rustleing of feet made to the windows and I finally gave up at reading my book. I looked up to see about 2/3 of the class, includeing the teacher, staring out the windows with amused looks on their faces. My friend, who was sitting behind me, looked up from the Vampire Knight manga she borrowed from me and gave everyone a weird look while giving a bookmark the task of holding her place in the book. We both got up from our desks and walked over to the window to see what the hell was going on. In the parking lot at the front of the school, there was what looks to be a model of a red car without tires. It had a pole sticking through it and was held up by some-thing that holds a boat and you can hook it up to your car and drive it around (I cannot remember to term for it). Inside to model was a family of dummies buckled up and ready for anything, and I mean ANYTHING. Juniors and Seniors were surrounding the model with some guys in black clothing lecturing them. Then, it all added up in my head. Tonight was prom, Juniors and Seniors called out of class for a 'assembly'. Yeah, it was plain obvious that they were being tolled the consiquences about drinking and driving. Why the weird car model thing thats able to rotate in mid air? We'll get to that in a moment. I hugged my friend from behind as I watched the lecturerer with up-most curriousity. My friend did not mind since we hug, like, 24/7, and watched him along with me. There were mummurs among my fellow classmates wondering what the people were about to do. The man giving the lecture, along with one of his pals, finished setting up and pressed some button, causing the car to spin around. We all jokinly oooohed and ahhhhed. Wow, a rotating car. Whoop-dee-friggin-doo. After the man gave his long and boring speech, he stoped the model and he, along with a few of his buddies, proceded to open the car and un buckle the dummies seat-belts.
"God, they never seem to quit," My friend said. What she meant was basically the fact that adults love to just engrave the fact that you have to always buckle your seatbelts no matter what. We got it the first 4 or 5 times! There is no need to go to 400!! Not to mention, if adults keep on saying this, we kids being rebellious as we are will do the exact opposite just to piss them off.
I nodded agrivated and a few of my other friends made agree able comments to my friends statement. Our heads shot back to the show and we watched as the guys slammed the car doors and pressed the on button. As soom as the car started rotateing, one of the dummies decided to go ass-firt out the window, its legs flailing like crazy. Of course, we all laughed, but one of the students said that 'there was nothing funny about a situation like that".
"Yeah, I agree," I stated, turning towards the protester. "It is a very serious matter, but they're just dummies! And since they are, I find this hilarious!" A few students agreed and high-fived me and we continued to watch the poor dummie slip out of the window. In the end, the poor passenger flopped to the ground, along with a baby dummie that just shot out of the window and landed between two tires of the thing that was holding the model.
"Bye Bye baby!!" One of my guyfriends hollered, and we all laughed along. Yeah, we must sound really murderious right now, huh? Well, we wouldn't be acting like this if they were real. Well, at least not me....
We watched as the driver dummie slipped out of its window head first and he got out to the point were every rotation it slammed its head on the ground, thus making us laugh even harder, and our teacher was chuckling along with us as well. Wow, immaturity rocks. The boys finally stopped the rotating car and we all clapped and cheered for their proformance. The teacher then finally told us to sit back down and continue our studing+
Crappy ending I know, but I cannot think of an ending right now. I sort of feel bad for laughing, I mean its a serious subject, but it was seriously funny as hell. I could have sworn I saw a few Seniors trying to hold back giggles!!
Well, I think I should get going now, I need my rest so I can get all my worries out of the way tomarrow! *waves*
TTFN
BLAC
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Back Home
Oh....my...gawd....
Anime Boston was AMAZING!!! I had so much fun along with my friends and fellow cosplayers! And I have wonderful memories left from that exciting experience! I cannot wait to go next year!!! EEEEEEEE!!! *flails arms and runs around in circles* Did i mention i spent about 300 dollars on merchandise and art??? ^^' Yeah, I know, I kind of gone over board. But common! It was my first convention, gimmie a break dammit!!! What did I get dare you ask? I got an Akatsuki Cloak, a Deidara 'Art is a Bang' T-shirt, about 11 pins (one for my friend, two of them were for free!!!), a clip on tag that has Nekozawa on it, a Deidara Key-chain, Seshomaru Key-chain, 4 hats (three for my friends who could not make it and one for my sister), 3 manga books (which have not even come out in stores yet!), HikaruXKauru picture (mom's still a little freaked about it XDDDDD), a wallet-sized Hinata Picture for my sister, a Chibi Sasori, Deidara, and Itachi picture, and I think thats it. I kno, spending about 300 dollars on such little stuff. Stuff is expensive there! Get off my back!!!! *spazzes* Well, anyway, I had a brilliant time, and I recomend you to go to an Anime Convention near you. Its a wonderful experience and you will enjoy it muchies!!! ^^
I would tell you what happend there, but I have to write down stuff fast, I need to work on a fundies project that was suppose to be due today ^^' Lay off, I'm lazy, aight?
Onward. It was Memorial Day yesterday, and since i was in the band, I had to march in the parade. Everything was fine and hunkydory in the begining, but when we had to stand there in the blistering sun listening to people give hour long speaches while wearing winter-think jumpsuits, yeah, fun disapears. Because of that, I fainted. ^^' I'm fine, but I do not know why. Shaddup people who said- Oh, wait, brb.
Okay, sorry about that, my sister wanted to borrow the 6th book of Fruba, but it is unreachable in my bookcase right now.....
Anyway: Shaddup people who said "the blistering heat got to you, dumbass!", because I drank a lot of fluids before I left and I had a good breakfast. I also had a pretty good nights sleep, so I do not think that was the reason to either. If you can tell me whats up, I would be very greatful, because I am really not in the mood to go to the doctors any time soon >.> <.< >,< I will tell you how it happend if it will be more helpful.
I was standing in formantion listening to the people talking and my back started to ache. It hurt pretty bad so I started switching my weight from foot to foot, which honestly did not help. I began to feel naushus (sp?) so i tried deep breathing to call me down. Then there was the ringing in my ears and my head which, for me, is a sign that I am going to upchuck my last 2 or 3 meals. I really did not want to make a scene and throw up on the girl infront of me, so i tried my best to stay calm. The funny thing is, my stomach was churning, but it was only out of nerves, it was not the usual feeling of me about to throw up. Then the outskirts of my vision started going black and it slowly went towards the center. i tried blinking to get my vision back and it worked some, but it decreased little by little everytime. Slowed it down though!!! Then my body felt really heavy and i tried steading myself, but my two feet could not hold me up at all. I kept wobbling and losing balance, but I really did not want to fall down infront of hundreds of people. My vision then went compleatly back and i could feel my eyes open and feel everything around my body, but I could not see anything around me. From what my friend told me, my mom and the head of the music association grabed me and rushed me to where the coolers are. I remember hearing my mom say "sweety, are you okay?" and I felt somebody grab me, but I was not sure what was going on. I could feel people staring at me, but thankfully I could not see them. It would have made me more sick if I did. By the time the leader of the music association and my mom got me to the coolers, I was regaining my vision a little bit. They sat me down and began dumping water down my throat. When my vision was fully regained, I noticed another girl with me who was not feeling to good as well, and about 5 other girls came over after me. And get this, they decide to pass out the water bottles AFTER 6 or 7 girls (includeing me) have pretty much passed out due to heat and move us out of the sun into the shade. Gawsh, you would think they would get the idea after the 3 person fainted!!! But anyway, yeah, I know i may sound stupid for worrying, but I cannot help it. I have been having 'black-outs' when I have been getting up and out of bed in the morning, too. And for some reason my body feels weaker and I get more and more tired when I get home, I even feel a little lightheaded during the day but only on rare occasions. Is that.... normal? Yeah, if you know whats up, could you please tell me? I really do not want to go to the doctor to get checked up *shivers* I hate the smell of the doctors, CREEEPPYYY!
Well, that was basically all of my fun, and look, its about my shower time, and i still have not gotten a single thing done for this dumbass essay I have to work on *slams head on keyboard* Grrrr... She seriously did not tell me how to do this peice of shit. I want to make her forget the assingment completely so I do not have to do it, but we all cannot get what we want, can we?
OH! And again, before I go... *sigh* Lets talk about love.
I'm not usually a big fan about talking about relationships, but this is making me stressed and I need to let it out some how.
Alright, there was this boy I have been crushing on for about a year or so and he knows about me liking him (we'll name him #A!!!). #A did not really seem to care about it, that is, untill he became best friends with my EX bestfriend. She has been spreading shit about me and my other friend because we tolled her that we cannot put up with her shit anymore and we tried talking to her about it but she just avioded it and kept doing it anyway (Lets call her BS >:D Nah, Jk, #C) So yeah, she became besties with him, and he started to, well, distance himself from me. His aura was sort of.... angry? Mad? Sad? I cannot really describe it, but it was really negative, and he avioded talking to me. So I got mad and decided to get over him, and desite how much it hurt, half of me got over him. I still think about #A every once and a while and sort of missed talking to him. But then, my guy friend (#B!!!! XDDD) and I have been getting closer.... and I sort of got this feeling that he likes me, but its topsie turvy, yah know? And I sort of got thins feeling for him too.... I noticed that I have been talking about him a lot and thinking about him often, but I do not know if I'm really happy about us being friends or... well.... likeing him. I pictured us kissing a few times, and I kind of gotten a little grossed by it. But when we hung out and he is being really sweet, I can't help but blush. Then another one of my guy friends (#D) sort of admited of haeing a crush on me, which was pretty much as obvious as the eye can see. I had a feeling that he was going to ask me out, but I did not know that it was going to happen around now! I turned him down and thankfully me and #D are still friends!!! ^^ Now, #C found out about me being friends with #B, and shes been trying to talk to him lately, which is REALLY pissing me off! He tried ignoreing her at first, but then I caught him taking a small conversation to her and smileing. He does not know about the fight me and #C had, and i hope that #C doesnt fill hi head with crap like she did to #A. But the weird thing is, walking home today (yes, he's my neighbor, shaddup) he started tlaking to me like he normally did and smiled at me like he used to. This causing me to think 'WTFHSOAB?!' Seriously, I don't know if he's toying with my emotions or if he is having trouble figureing out about his feelings (not saying that he has any), or if he is PMSing and needs something to put it on, or changed his mind about me. Omfg, IDK!!! But seriously, I'm thinking about being mean to him back and see how he will react. Maybe we can actually talk to each other and sort things out for friggin once!! I just want to get this over with and know how he feels about me! IM SICK OF THIS GUESSING GAME!!! And seriously, if #C starts doing more shit (theres a list of rumors and things that see has done to me since the fight, and she is blaming everything on me!) I'm just going to sock her in the face at that time and not give a shit about what other people say. IM SICK OF THE CRAP SHE IS PUTTING ME THROUGH!!! Oh, also, you guys know I'm bisexual, right? If you don't, you do now!! Well, I have also been noticeing I have been haveing a crush on my best girl friend (#E), and I dont want to ruin our friendship about it, (she is also Bi btw) We have kissed b4, but it was just for the hell of it and shit. Not to mention she has a BF right now. But yeah, how do i stop likeing her like that? I dont want to ruin our already wonderful friendship!!!! WAHHHHH!! *sobs* Gahh, thankies for listening very much, I feel a lot better now.
If you forgot who is who, heres the DL:
#A: Year long crush; being a jackass to me
#B: Best guy friend; Unsure feelings about him
#C: EX bestfriends; took #A away from me and possible gave him false info about me; trying to take away #B as well; has spread rumours about me; likes to talk about sex..... a lot; has bf but is sort of cheating (she is also bi) and likes to talk about how guys flock around her *anime vein*
#D: One of my best guy friends; has a crush on me
#E: Best gurlfriend; me has unsure feelings and might have a crush on her; also bi.
There! Now, I know thing may sound soap-operah-e, but wth? Life is like a friggin soap operah and it SUCKS! Thankies again fro listening, well, reading, and i just missed 37 minutes of my shower time ^^ Oh well!
Gtg, TTFN!
BLAC
Anime Boston was AMAZING!!! I had so much fun along with my friends and fellow cosplayers! And I have wonderful memories left from that exciting experience! I cannot wait to go next year!!! EEEEEEEE!!! *flails arms and runs around in circles* Did i mention i spent about 300 dollars on merchandise and art??? ^^' Yeah, I know, I kind of gone over board. But common! It was my first convention, gimmie a break dammit!!! What did I get dare you ask? I got an Akatsuki Cloak, a Deidara 'Art is a Bang' T-shirt, about 11 pins (one for my friend, two of them were for free!!!), a clip on tag that has Nekozawa on it, a Deidara Key-chain, Seshomaru Key-chain, 4 hats (three for my friends who could not make it and one for my sister), 3 manga books (which have not even come out in stores yet!), HikaruXKauru picture (mom's still a little freaked about it XDDDDD), a wallet-sized Hinata Picture for my sister, a Chibi Sasori, Deidara, and Itachi picture, and I think thats it. I kno, spending about 300 dollars on such little stuff. Stuff is expensive there! Get off my back!!!! *spazzes* Well, anyway, I had a brilliant time, and I recomend you to go to an Anime Convention near you. Its a wonderful experience and you will enjoy it muchies!!! ^^
I would tell you what happend there, but I have to write down stuff fast, I need to work on a fundies project that was suppose to be due today ^^' Lay off, I'm lazy, aight?
Onward. It was Memorial Day yesterday, and since i was in the band, I had to march in the parade. Everything was fine and hunkydory in the begining, but when we had to stand there in the blistering sun listening to people give hour long speaches while wearing winter-think jumpsuits, yeah, fun disapears. Because of that, I fainted. ^^' I'm fine, but I do not know why. Shaddup people who said- Oh, wait, brb.
Okay, sorry about that, my sister wanted to borrow the 6th book of Fruba, but it is unreachable in my bookcase right now.....
Anyway: Shaddup people who said "the blistering heat got to you, dumbass!", because I drank a lot of fluids before I left and I had a good breakfast. I also had a pretty good nights sleep, so I do not think that was the reason to either. If you can tell me whats up, I would be very greatful, because I am really not in the mood to go to the doctors any time soon >.> <.< >,< I will tell you how it happend if it will be more helpful.
I was standing in formantion listening to the people talking and my back started to ache. It hurt pretty bad so I started switching my weight from foot to foot, which honestly did not help. I began to feel naushus (sp?) so i tried deep breathing to call me down. Then there was the ringing in my ears and my head which, for me, is a sign that I am going to upchuck my last 2 or 3 meals. I really did not want to make a scene and throw up on the girl infront of me, so i tried my best to stay calm. The funny thing is, my stomach was churning, but it was only out of nerves, it was not the usual feeling of me about to throw up. Then the outskirts of my vision started going black and it slowly went towards the center. i tried blinking to get my vision back and it worked some, but it decreased little by little everytime. Slowed it down though!!! Then my body felt really heavy and i tried steading myself, but my two feet could not hold me up at all. I kept wobbling and losing balance, but I really did not want to fall down infront of hundreds of people. My vision then went compleatly back and i could feel my eyes open and feel everything around my body, but I could not see anything around me. From what my friend told me, my mom and the head of the music association grabed me and rushed me to where the coolers are. I remember hearing my mom say "sweety, are you okay?" and I felt somebody grab me, but I was not sure what was going on. I could feel people staring at me, but thankfully I could not see them. It would have made me more sick if I did. By the time the leader of the music association and my mom got me to the coolers, I was regaining my vision a little bit. They sat me down and began dumping water down my throat. When my vision was fully regained, I noticed another girl with me who was not feeling to good as well, and about 5 other girls came over after me. And get this, they decide to pass out the water bottles AFTER 6 or 7 girls (includeing me) have pretty much passed out due to heat and move us out of the sun into the shade. Gawsh, you would think they would get the idea after the 3 person fainted!!! But anyway, yeah, I know i may sound stupid for worrying, but I cannot help it. I have been having 'black-outs' when I have been getting up and out of bed in the morning, too. And for some reason my body feels weaker and I get more and more tired when I get home, I even feel a little lightheaded during the day but only on rare occasions. Is that.... normal? Yeah, if you know whats up, could you please tell me? I really do not want to go to the doctor to get checked up *shivers* I hate the smell of the doctors, CREEEPPYYY!
Well, that was basically all of my fun, and look, its about my shower time, and i still have not gotten a single thing done for this dumbass essay I have to work on *slams head on keyboard* Grrrr... She seriously did not tell me how to do this peice of shit. I want to make her forget the assingment completely so I do not have to do it, but we all cannot get what we want, can we?
OH! And again, before I go... *sigh* Lets talk about love.
I'm not usually a big fan about talking about relationships, but this is making me stressed and I need to let it out some how.
Alright, there was this boy I have been crushing on for about a year or so and he knows about me liking him (we'll name him #A!!!). #A did not really seem to care about it, that is, untill he became best friends with my EX bestfriend. She has been spreading shit about me and my other friend because we tolled her that we cannot put up with her shit anymore and we tried talking to her about it but she just avioded it and kept doing it anyway (Lets call her BS >:D Nah, Jk, #C) So yeah, she became besties with him, and he started to, well, distance himself from me. His aura was sort of.... angry? Mad? Sad? I cannot really describe it, but it was really negative, and he avioded talking to me. So I got mad and decided to get over him, and desite how much it hurt, half of me got over him. I still think about #A every once and a while and sort of missed talking to him. But then, my guy friend (#B!!!! XDDD) and I have been getting closer.... and I sort of got this feeling that he likes me, but its topsie turvy, yah know? And I sort of got thins feeling for him too.... I noticed that I have been talking about him a lot and thinking about him often, but I do not know if I'm really happy about us being friends or... well.... likeing him. I pictured us kissing a few times, and I kind of gotten a little grossed by it. But when we hung out and he is being really sweet, I can't help but blush. Then another one of my guy friends (#D) sort of admited of haeing a crush on me, which was pretty much as obvious as the eye can see. I had a feeling that he was going to ask me out, but I did not know that it was going to happen around now! I turned him down and thankfully me and #D are still friends!!! ^^ Now, #C found out about me being friends with #B, and shes been trying to talk to him lately, which is REALLY pissing me off! He tried ignoreing her at first, but then I caught him taking a small conversation to her and smileing. He does not know about the fight me and #C had, and i hope that #C doesnt fill hi head with crap like she did to #A. But the weird thing is, walking home today (yes, he's my neighbor, shaddup) he started tlaking to me like he normally did and smiled at me like he used to. This causing me to think 'WTFHSOAB?!' Seriously, I don't know if he's toying with my emotions or if he is having trouble figureing out about his feelings (not saying that he has any), or if he is PMSing and needs something to put it on, or changed his mind about me. Omfg, IDK!!! But seriously, I'm thinking about being mean to him back and see how he will react. Maybe we can actually talk to each other and sort things out for friggin once!! I just want to get this over with and know how he feels about me! IM SICK OF THIS GUESSING GAME!!! And seriously, if #C starts doing more shit (theres a list of rumors and things that see has done to me since the fight, and she is blaming everything on me!) I'm just going to sock her in the face at that time and not give a shit about what other people say. IM SICK OF THE CRAP SHE IS PUTTING ME THROUGH!!! Oh, also, you guys know I'm bisexual, right? If you don't, you do now!! Well, I have also been noticeing I have been haveing a crush on my best girl friend (#E), and I dont want to ruin our friendship about it, (she is also Bi btw) We have kissed b4, but it was just for the hell of it and shit. Not to mention she has a BF right now. But yeah, how do i stop likeing her like that? I dont want to ruin our already wonderful friendship!!!! WAHHHHH!! *sobs* Gahh, thankies for listening very much, I feel a lot better now.
If you forgot who is who, heres the DL:
#A: Year long crush; being a jackass to me
#B: Best guy friend; Unsure feelings about him
#C: EX bestfriends; took #A away from me and possible gave him false info about me; trying to take away #B as well; has spread rumours about me; likes to talk about sex..... a lot; has bf but is sort of cheating (she is also bi) and likes to talk about how guys flock around her *anime vein*
#D: One of my best guy friends; has a crush on me
#E: Best gurlfriend; me has unsure feelings and might have a crush on her; also bi.
There! Now, I know thing may sound soap-operah-e, but wth? Life is like a friggin soap operah and it SUCKS! Thankies again fro listening, well, reading, and i just missed 37 minutes of my shower time ^^ Oh well!
Gtg, TTFN!
BLAC
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)